A Tribute to Mark Bingham
ABOVE: Mark with members of the London Steelers (Washington DC, May 2001)
One of our brothers, Mark Bingham, was tragically taken from us Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2001, during the terrorist attack on our nation. He was one of the 38 passengers on hijacked United Airlines flight 93 that crashed outside of Pittsburgh. Mark was 31 years old.
Mark epitomized what it means to be a Fog rugger, and we all learned a great deal from him. Aside from being a superb player, "Bear Trap" was a true gentleman and a generous friend. He will be sorely missed.
What follows are e-mails and notes and news stories about Mark, and how he touched so many of our lives.
Be well, Mark. We love you and miss you tremendously.
In Mark's own words
The team received this email from Mark a few weeks before his passing. He wrote it when he learned that the Fog had been accepted as a permanent member of the Northern California Rugby Football Union:
Wow! What an inspiring email. This is a huge step forward for gay rugby.
When I started playing rugby at the age of 16, I always thought that my interest in other guys would be an anathema -- completely repulsive to the guys on my team -- and to the people I was knocking the shit out of on the other team. I loved the game, but KNEW I would need to keep my sexuality a secret forever. I feared total rejection.
As we worked and sweated and ran and talked together this year, I finally felt accepted as a gay man and a rugby player. My two irreconcilable worlds came together.
Now we've been accepted into the union and the road is going to get harder. We need to work harder. We need to get better. We have the chance to be role models for other gay folks who wanted to play sports, but never felt good enough or strong enough. More importantly, we have the chance to show the other teams in the league that we are as good as they are. Good rugby players. Good partiers. Good sports. Good men.
Gay men weren't always wallflowers waiting on the sideline. We have the opportunity to let these other athletes know that gay men were around all along -- on their little league teams, in their classes, being their friends.
This is a great opportunity to change a lot of people's minds, and to reach a group that might never have had to know or hear about gay people.
Let's go make some new friends...and win a few games.
Congratulations, my brothers in rugby.
mb
Tributes
From Lance Martin, teammate:
It is being speculated that our brother was one of two who rushed the hijackers and brought the plane down before it was able to reach its target.
For those of us who knew Mark, we know, if he was able, it indeed was him.
We love you Mark.
From Big Dave, teammate:
You were so full of life -- with so much accomplished in your short stay on this earth. I haven't known you for a very long time, but we bonded right away, knowing we had so much in common. I grieve and pray for your family and friends, who know so well that you didn't go down without a fight. Look after all of us from above.
You were a good man...our teammate...our friend...our hero.
We will miss you so dearly.
Onward through the Fog, Big D.
From Scott, friend in NYC:
I met Mark online through a mutual friend about 3 years ago. We quickly became friends and had so much in common. We both had played rugby for years and talked a lot about the struggle of being gay ruggers in a very straight rugger world. His recent e-mail sure struck a chord with me. It's hard to think of what I gained by knowing him and forget about what I missed. I think about the pictures he took a few years ago when we hung out in NYC when he was looking for an office here and how I bugged him to show them to me and how I never got around to seeing them. I think about the times this summer when he was in NYC and we just never got around to getting together him being busy or me being busy -- just always seems to be time for that. Recently we had been talking about getting a team together in NYC. I told him I would not be able to do it without his help. He was an incredible person and I will miss him. I kick myself for the times we played phone tag or brushed each other off online. I hope in the future I will not miss opportunities to make time for friends again.
My thoughts are with his family and all his friends in the Fog. Shoot a boot for him at your next match or just get drunk and sing loud. Am sure that is what he would have wanted.
Take care Scott
From Todd Ormsbee, teammate:
I'm glad that I was with you guys last night when I received the news of Mark's death. Being with friends whom I love was the only thing that made it easier.
I had a hard time sleeping, still waiting to hear from friends in New York. A few more calls came from dear friends in New York throughout the night. I have now accounted for everyone I knew in New York.
When I woke up and turned on the TV, Mark's mom was talking to NBC news. She is an amazing woman. She said that she feels privileged that she was able to receive the news of Mark's death from Mark himself, that it somehow made it better, and that she is sure that Mark had a hand in bringing the plane down short of its target.
When he wasn't throwing M'n'Ms at my face in a drunken playful mood to get my attention, Mark was a kind and warm man. I feel privileged to have known him. I will miss him on and off the pitch.
Take care mates.
Love and peace, Todd
From Mike Grant, teammate:
It has taken me hours and hours to actually sit down and write this email. I have started, lost composure, got lost along the way in the writing, and had to start over. As a "writer", I try to think of myself as being able to write what I feel, but it is very difficult, but I am determined to do so. I am holding back tears, keeping them locked in my throat.
From the get go, Mark was an inspiration to me. I remember wanting so desperately to kick his butt on the rugby pitch after he so easily plowed me over down at Delores Park. Nice first impression! When we went back for the social he and I hit it off and my need to "kick his butt" ended immediately.
Over the course of the next few months I got to know him pretty well and the name "Bear Trap" fit him so very well. The changes over him in the last 9 months were dramatic, I saw him getting more comfortable with himself and his surroundings.
As for Rugby, well there was no one more spirited, both on and off the field. For me, he was a constant source of compliments...and his criticism was always from the heart and was truly constructive in EVERY sense of the word.
He called me two days after my surgery and we talked for almost 30 minutes about the surgery and if there was anything he could do for me. We talked about the team and what it meant to him. I knew where his head was in that moment during our conversation, for I too was once closeted (oh so many years ago) and had the same transformation when I joined the gay softball league.
When we ended our conversation, he said he loved me, wished me a happy birthday, a speedy recovery and that he wanted, and needed me, on the pitch. I told him I loved him too and we laughed as two buds do, and promised we would see each other on the 15th at practice.
Truly there are not enough words to describe this unique loving and generous individual.
He was a mate and a good, dear friend.
I will miss him and love him always.
Your mate always guys, Mike
From Alexandro:
Though I never met Mark, we communicated through email. As someone who have had -and has- issues integrating a sense of homosexuality, I found comfort in his messages. His replies were very inspiring and heartfelt giving me a new chance to establish positive points of reference in my current life, and for future endeavors.
I join you in your pain and know that not everything is lost.
From Bryce Eberhardt, teammate:
A few thoughts on Mark... Like so many people who cared about Mark, I'm deeply saddened by his passing. I go back and forth between tears and laughing over memories of the great times we all had with him. Today, in the face of this great tragedy, I am taking a small amount of comfort in the growing body of evidence indicating that Mark was a hero. Mark's mother said she believes that to be true and many of us were speculating about it last night because we "know Mark," but now the facts are starting to confirm many of our suspicions. Here's what we know:
Mark called his mother to say he loved her. He was levelheaded and in control.
Thomas Burnett of San Ramon, California, called his wife and said: "I know we're all going to die - there's three of us who are going to do something about it."
According to his mother, Mark was sitting in "towards the front of the plane" and, a VP at a tech company, Mr. Burnett was probably in first class too.
A senior U.S. intelligence official told MSNBC.com that mobile phone communications from Flight 93 indicate that three passengers overpowered the hijackers but were unable to maintain control of the plane.
Out of four planes that were hijacked, the plane Mark Bingham was on failed to hit its target -- that, I believe, is no coincidence.
If there was an attempt to take back the plane, Mark was part of it. He refused to give in to fear, and probably saved many lives. Amazing.
I am honored to have known Mark and played rugby with him. One of Mark's favorite rugger quotes was from Shakespeare's Henry V, "For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother." We battled hard with Mark by our side. Mark was our brother, and he considered us his. As a brother, he was supportive, inspiring, insightful, hilarious, at times obnoxious, always smart and endlessly loyal. He was a hero in his ability to make sure no one ever felt left out. He was a hero with his contagious zest for living. He was a hero to his own family. And, quite possibly, he was a hero to countless other families who woke up this morning and had breakfast with each other because of his actions.
I'm going to miss him.
From Chris Zerlaut, teammate:
I, too, find comfort in knowing that our brother Mark would not have stood by allowing the hijackers to accomplish their goal without a fight. Even when he was knocked down, he got up and fought. I am truly honored to have known him.
I remember driving him to the hospital in DC and spending half the day with him as he slept peacefully on morphine after his dislocation was reduced. You should have seen him - he was like an innocent little boy. It was a funny and telling sight as he awoke and demanded that we get back to the pitch ASAP to support our teammates. "God dam it... I'll walk if I have to. Let's go! Did we win?" That was his first thought guys -- to support the team. That just really illustrated to me a) what a nut he was and b) how much he loved and supported this team.
I was so psyched to meet a gay guy into college football. We had planned to catch a few games in Strawberry Canyon this Fall. I was really looking forward to that actually and he emailed me a few weeks ago and said he was psyched too. And as I remembered last night that the Cal/UW game was in a couple of weeks, it just brought me to tears.
My emotions have wavered between tears and laughter and anger -thinking of that crazy Bear Trap - watching this masculine "butch" guy who's into rugby and football sing Madonna's rendition of "Don't Cry for me Argentina" was truly a moment ... his hand gestures during "Wish all the Boys..." ... his funky lanky gallop across the pitch ... always turning the biggest guy in any bar into putty with his sexy eyes ... his competitiveness -- yelling to motivate everyone, being overly aggressive at times ... his love for his mom and family and friends. That was who Mark was. Like Bryce said, you learn quickly about the guy -- he was truly a "supportive, inspiring, insightful, hilarious, at times obnoxious, always smart and endlessly loyal" brother.
Although I'm angry that his life was cut short, his death was not without meaning - it reminded me how precious and important all of you are to me. His life, his words in his poignant email, his play on and off the field, his loyalty to the team, his take-charge manner and his friendship will always be precious to me as well.
Bear Trap, you are missed.
Statement from Cal rugby coach Jack Clark on former player Mark Bingham:
Mark was just recently on campus this spring with his teammates during a reunion of the 1991 national championship team. The rugby program, as well as the entire Cal family, is devastated by this tragedy. Mark was a very bright, athletic young man who was in the prime of his life. Our hearts go out to his family and friends in this moment of great sorrow.
From Alvin Mangosing, teammate:
I've had a really hard time coming to grips with what's happened. I mean, being young and barely having a grasp of who I am, is pretty tough. But then you meet guys like Mark and my mates on the Fog, it just makes things in life so much easier to figure out. I had finally met a great group of guys who knew how I felt and could relate to the same things I did. Very passionate and driven about life. I am appreciative and grateful for them.
The interactions I've had with Mark were few, but they were valuable to me. When I first met Mark at Dario's, he was wearing his Cal Rugby warmup jacket. With a bit of disgust and UC Davis Pride thought, "Argh, not a Cal rugger!" Haha...But geez, it wasn't until Mark sang rugby songs, none the less made up his own lyrics and sang off key, I did I really question whether or not I wanted to play on this guy's team! Mark of course redeemed himself by his great performance of "Don't cry for me, Argentina" in DC.
Mark (far left) singing "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" with the Buenos Aires team at the DC tourney
At the tournament in DC, Mark and I talked about how great it was to finally play on a team where our sexual orientations weren't an issue on the field or at the socials. It was great to hear his Cal rugby stories, and to also have him shed some light on my UC Davis experiences, making things easier for me to figure out. A true rugger, and a true friend.
So, to a man who I admire and will miss dearly. I raise my pint, wipe away my tears, and sing to my hero... HEEYYYYY BOBBERY BOB! A ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!!...
-Alvin
From Raimundo Martinez, Washington Renegades member:
Last year in May, I got back from a rafting trip to the news that my best friend of 20 years had died in a car accident. He left a wonderful wife, family, friends. All the plans that we had made together seemed at the time as a huge void in my life.
Last night it was May all over again. I had met Mark in Sydney two years ago. We had a great time together. This last May he came over to the tournament and we were able to meet again. I could not believe it was the same guy I have met in Sydney!. It was one of the biggest satisfactions for me during the May tournament.
His death brought back the lessons that I have learned during this last year. We should remember him as he is, and as Bryce described him. Always in our sad and tear moments, remember his smile and his spirit for life. Remember that he would not wanted us sad, but to continue his legacy of zest for life, and to fulfill all the plans that we had made with him. I am sure that he is up there, in peace, knowing that his death brought a new opportunity of life to many. He is proud that we are stronger and closer for we had the honor of crossing our path with him... such is his ultimate gift to us. Ours to him should be to find peace through his legacy, and in his memory...
From Bill Wagner, rugger in Pennsylvania:
I just received an email that mentioned your player Mark Bingham and his actions while on the doomed United Airlines flight, capping off what was a tragic and horrific moment in history.
I am sure you are inundated with inquiries and sentiments, so I will keep this brief.
First I would like to send my condolences to all of his former teammates, family and friends.
Having played the game for twelve years I am very familiar with the rugby spirit and heart. I have always been proud to be part of the greatest sport in the world. Upon hearing this news, my heart swelled with even more pride, knowing that, although I may not have shared the field with this man, I shared the game and the spirit. I would only hope that I would have acted the same way as Mark did.
I am also saddened knowing that Rugby has lost a player of such courage and character.
With the recent tragedies, and present and possible forthcoming turmoil, I hope Mark's story is told. I believe this Country needs hero's, and I believe the actions of Mark and the others on that flight are just that, heroic! I know I will share the story with many people.
Believe me, having lost one of our own teammates earlier this year due to tragic circumstances, I understand the sadness and effects that follow. The events that occurred on Tuesday are a bit outside the realm of understanding at this point in time, but as the dust settles remember the man for his acts on and off the field.
Again, my condolences, and take care!
Bill Wagner Telford, PA
From Matt Minarik, high school rugby coach in Ohio:
I am the head coach of the high school Rugby team, St. Edward Eagles in Cleveland, Ohio. I played for the Cleveland Rovers and NOVA before retiring.
This is our fourth year as a high school team and we have grown. I have been looking for a motto for our team. Now, with Mark's death -- presumably in a heroic way, I will honor him with giving his motto to our team, "With you!" -- and every time our team chants it and on every piece of literature that we print where our new motto shows, Mark will be honored. And at the end of the season, I will present the Mark Bingham "With you" award for unselfishness.
I did not know him at all, but apparently he was the embodiment of a true Rugger.
I hope you will pass these words on to your team mates and know that his name and his spirit will live on.
Can you please send me a photo of Mark so that I can put it into our newsletter and for our award.
With you, Matt Minarik St. Edward Eagles High School Rugby
From Fog Head Coach, Kevin Waizenhoffer:
I wanted to add my two cents. Placing my coaching hat back on, I want to share a couple of thoughts about Mark. One he told people how he felt about them. I am so happy that he got to say farewell to his mother. This is a reminder to tell those that we love just that, and not worry about how we look or worry about being vulnerable by showing our emotions. So guys, I do love all of you.
Next, Mark enjoyed life so much. He had a blast, while at the same time being very responsible. So I hope we will all make an extra effort to enjoy life and live it to its fullest. Life is not all fun and games, but let's make an effort to do what makes us truly happy.
And of course, I have to say, practice Saturday at 11, be early, and be ready to work hard and have fun. Cheers to a great guy!
From Pete Arden, teammate:
I hate to admit it, but I didn't much like Mark the first time he showed up at a Fog practice.
I was still fairly new to the game back then, and he yelled at me a couple times during a scrimmage for being out of position. I also thought he played with far too much intensity considering it was "only practice," and I watched that day as he dodged or mowed down our novice players, scoring try after try almost single-handedly. "What a show-off," I thought.
Later that same evening, however, I found myself at the Lone Star with Mark and a few others. I must have looked glum, because when he saw me, he came over, put his arm around me, and with a big smile said something like, "Petey, you did a good job out there! You know, the scrumhalf is the most important player on any rugby team. You're gonna be like the little general telling the rest of us what to do -- and we have to make sure the guys on the other team don't mess with you. You're too valuable!"
Wow. In the space of a few seconds he had both complimented my meager skills and pledged to protect me on the field... and he already knew my name. I was flattered, of course, but also impressed that an accomplished rugger like Mark would even bother to reach out to a novice like myself. It wasn't long before I realized that this guy was not at all what I expected, but something very special indeed.
Hanging out with him over the next several months, I came to understand that Mark Bingham truly embodied the spirit of rugby: He was intense, highly competitive, full of hard tackles -- but also warm, fun-loving, and incredibly loyal. I planned on learning a lot from him, both on and off the field, and looked forward to his return to practice this weekend. I will miss his presence, but I will remember his example in rugby and in life -- and his good and kind soul -- always.
- rePete
From Vince Lane, teammate:
I can not begin to express the sorrow I feel in my heart. I come from a family that does not express emotion easily and I am afraid I have learned that lesson all too well.
Being with the rest of the Fog on Tuesday night was a great comfort to me. They are truly my brothers and as close and as dear to me as family. We ARE a family. You are my family.
With your tragic passing, one of the gifts you have given to us, is a renewed and strengthened sense of family and a deeper love for each other.
Going forward this season, we will get beyond our grief, but know that you will never, ever leave our hearts or be far from our thoughts.
It was a true pleasure having known you and doing battle with you side by side on the rugby pitch. You are my hero Mark. Watch over us buddy. I love you. ROLL, FOG, ROLL!!
With you! Vince Lane
From Carlos Grela, Buenos Aires Rugby:
Mark:
El tiempo no quiso ser generoso con nosotros y dejarnos sembrar una amistad mas rica. Si algo he de decir entonces es lo que la suerte determinó para ti como sentencia. Alguien decidió arrancarte de tus amigos y no quisiera que su odio gane mi corazón, en mi país muchos aprendimos a no resignarnos a la injusticia pero no permitir al mismo tiempo que la bestia nos impida recorrer el camino original.
Prefiero entonces pensar que ha determinado sin quererlo, que tú finalmente persistas en el tiempo. Para que todo ese tiempo sigamos teniendo tu sonrisa, tu ímpetu, tu entereza, tus ganas de construir y de soñar. Persistirás aún mas allá que cualquiera de tus amigos, porque ya perteneces al esfuerzo por la Paz, serás memoria, serás reclamo de justicia y grito que pide libertad y dignidad.
Al fin y al cabo, vivir no es una sucesión de días y noches transcurridos. Vivir es dejar atrás lo mejor de uno mismo, los mejores esfuerzos por los demás, los mejores deseos, los pedacitos de alma que podemos dejar caer generosos en cada acto solidario, porque tu alma no tiene tiempo ni final, ella vive!! y será bandera de justicia y dignidad.
Porque la vida debe ser honrada en cada paso que nos lleva adelante, sólo para que el recuerdo de lo que fuimos no lastime a quienes nos enseñaron las mejores intenciones.
En mi país hay una canción muy sentida por todos, y que se ha hecho himno que se recita en la tragedia que cada tanto insiste en visitarnos, un trozo de ella dice:
"...Solo le pido a Dios, que la guerra no me sea indiferente. es un monstruo grande y pisa fuerte, la pobre inocencia de la gente"...
Discúlpame si hoy no puedo cumplir con aquello que con alegría nos cantabas en el Bar Omega: "No llores por mi Argentina....."
